So.. what are the strategies to get over an ex, or grief or heartache?
I get asked this question ALOT when women come to work in my private containers.
“What are the strategies to get over an ex?”
We are all seeking the answer to this. We want to know what went wrong.
I remember even googling this in my early 20s. But none of the strategies seemed to work for me. I read all those books, “Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus” and “He’s just not that into you.” I was on the search for ways to get over someone and then ways to please a man.
However, I realised over the years that it all became about them. About the man and in the process I was neglecting me. I was not focusing on what it was that needed tending and healing within myself.
Until I came up with my own “cure” to get over an ex. I stopped watching Youtube videos with all the strategies as none of them that were given were really resonating with me.
So I decided from that moment on… that there was no “5 steps” that could help my process. No “mindset work” could help me get over how hurt I was, or the stories of “how could he do this to me. ” And something really hit me when I went to see my Shaman 8 years ago after my last breakup and all I wanted was to “figure out” why it had to end and why he was the way he was, she said..”this is not about him. “
This statement stayed with me forever. She was right, this was about me.
The great power of anger and rage
I know you know what I am talking about. That feeling when you feel so much anger and rage built up in your body.
So..What to do with all of this rage and anger?
The thing we don’t realise as women is that our rage is our medicine to creation. Our darkest emotions are the promise to our power where we create the thoughts, dreams, desires, life that we desire and declare.
Have you ever noticed that after a break up, you feel like a “new” woman, or you begin to realise you are needing to place better boundaries, or that you are done with attracting toxic relationships?
You feel a sense of awakening. Because beneath the rage you feel this sense of renewal.
This is what rage does. Through rage we become the creatrixes of our own story, only if we tune into one thing..
Pleasure will be your prayer to grief.
If we don’t tune into this pleasure, this feel good sensation in the body, we store this rage in the body. It sits there in our womb and it begins to communicate with the rest of our body and then our minds. It is then the mind that creates these false stories or limited beliefs that “I am not good enough” or “I am not worthy enough.” This keeps us in a loop that isn’t serving our heart and then we reflect this in our external situations and relationships.
This rage and anger builds up into a fire that doesn’t serve us. And then it manifests in unhealthy ways such as frustration or defensiveness to prove our worth. And it can also then manifest into physical pain. Like pain in sex, or pain during your period.
Check out this blog: 5 Possible reasons for pain during sex
Why pleasure for easing pain?
Pleasure will be there to smooth out the pain to make way for the love to be felt by you. This love that heals all. This love that is the foundation for everything.
Pleasure will be your portal into the radiance that lives within you. Radiance that creates bliss and love in your life.
Most women have no idea that radiance lives inside us. And that we have this key, which is our pleasure to tap into this radiance.
No matter what happens in our life, we have the power to go higher. We are sacred like this.
We just don’t know this power because we have been taught to FEAR the great source of this radiance, this bliss and the place where radiance is birthed.. through the pussy. You can hate or squirm with this word. But I have claimed it to be our highest temple into pleasure for radiance.
Beneath all the grief and the pain, there is radiance.
After my last breakup, I chose to grieve the loss of my ex and my relationship with him in a different way. I was done with following steps or wallowing in my misery or pretending as well that I was fine.
I grieved that old part of me. The part of me that never felt good enough for him. I grieved the part of me that never felt seen or heard. I grieved the loss of our love and our friendship. I grieved that no one was there to rescue me. I grieved all the wounded parts of me that I could not afford to take with me anymore as it affected my worth.
Through this embodied grief, I found radiance. I found the empowered version of me through this grief and anger. Through me laying on the bed and fully crying and pouring my heart out. I found the strength that I could do this and be with all of these emotions and still feel safe. I never found this in this steps and strategies that kept me small and confined.
I felt beautifully messy, beautifully ugly in this whole process of devastation.
The way I chose to connect with my radiance again was to pour turn on and pleasure into the embodiment of grief.
I decided I was not going to indulge in emotional eating or drinking like I would have. Instead, I turned to delicious foods.
I was seeing my healer every week (because we don’t have to do this alone) but on top of that, I danced every night alone, candles on, sometimes in front of the mirror, most of the time naked.
I sometimes cried through this process. I was feeling turned on through my own crying and purging.
I danced arching my back, watching my yoni. Dancing samba (if you know me, Samba is my love), shaking my hips so hard, pounding the floor with my feet as I danced but knowing mother earth had me.
I poured my whole sensual erotic self in my sadness.
The result…. Powerful radiance.
Reclaim your feminine essence
I had taken ownership of my story, through plugging into my sensuality. I was not the victim. Nor was I going to let my ego tell me that I was.
My turn on, my pleasure, had transformed my grief, my heartache into a prayer. And through this prayer, magic was created.
I began this work of the feminine to hold delicious sensual spaces for women to be turned on and inspired by this radiance too. It allowed me to guide women into their darkness, and face their sexual wounds to reveal their sexual radiance.
Every time a woman walks out of my temples, my circles, or my containers (only if they allow themselves and give themselves permission to), they find and reclaim their radiance, because they trust the prayer of pleasure. They trust themselves, and not the one strategy or quick fix, because the truth is there is no quick fix or quick “5 steps to get over an ex.”
They are inspired by the radiance we co create together in our sacred spaces. This is necessary. Sacred, holy, Sisterhood support.
Yesterday, one of my beautiful clients said after our Feminine Remembrance Come Home To Y0urself Immersion completed said this…
“….When I showed these photos to my partner, he said I looked like a priestess! That’s exactly how I felt after the live circle and after all the circles we had together! And I realize I feel that priestess embodiment in my body, sense it and see it/witness it ,when I take photos of myself! All thanks to the work and the important practices we are doing!……”
This makes my whole body turned on. A turned on woman not only takes ownership of her own story, and not play victim, but she also has the ability to shine her light on everyone in her life, including her beloved.
So from my experience, no “5 step process to get over an ex” will ever come close to your innate divine power of pleasure to really come back to your power. And to realise it was there all along.
This is the way we can come back to know love for ourselves. When you take ownership in your part of how you may have been in the relationship, and come with this through embodied presence, you begin to awaken to your erotic power. This power that can heal and that can create change.
And of course you don’t need to go through this process alone, which is why I have created a beautiful program like Feminine Remembrance: Come Home To Yourself, to return home to the body and redisciver all the beautiful dark aspects of you to shine the light on the parts of you that may have been hiding such as your sexuality, your sensuality and pleasure.
Don’t forget to also sign up to the FREE 7 Day Erotic Feminine Embodiment Program to begin this journey of self healing, sensuality, and coming home to the essence of you.