When I speak about the honeymoon period we all know that it is that period right at the beginning of a relationship. A lot of us uphold this idea because of what society tells us, that this period only lasts for a few months. We may feel those butterflies in the stomach in the beginning of a relationship and call it love. But is it really love? Or is it just a confused state of altered state of adrenaline.
So if the honeymoon period is supposed to only last for 6 months, then what happens after that?
We seem to think that when the honeymoon period ends, the relationship then gets tiresome, bored, crazy. But I think this couldn’t be further from the truth.
What is the honeymoon period?
To me the honeymoon period is merely just a facade of emotions and truth. This phase is usually based on your body going into a state of adrenaline and an increased feeling of intense emotions. It is this great desire to be loved and to be loved back. It is that excitement for wanting to be with that person. But to me this is something that should just never end in a relationship.
We see this phase or we consider this honeymoon period the first stage of a relationship.
If you look up what the honeymoon period is – it is really based on this stage of laughter, of happiness, of fun dates, of carefree moments. But hang on? Why does that have to end when being in a relationship?
In the honey moon phases we tend to disguise the parts of ourselves that we may fear the most about ourselves. They are the parts that make us feel vulnerable. So during the honeymoon period we get to hide all of this with situations and events that disguise this through excitement, fun, exciting dates etc.
In the beginning of a relationship AKA honeymoon period
In the beginning stages of this relationship that we may call the honeymoon phase, we experience this excitement but what we are actually doing is coming into this type of relationship not grounded. We get swept away with the idea that someone likes you and so you are drawn to attention.
How many of you have moved with a relationship because you love the attention, you love the butterfly feeling, you love the excitement and the newness. I am not denying the beauty of this stage but this feeling can very much be an everlasting one.
The thing is, this is how we have been taught relationships to be our whole life.
We get sucked into the craziness of it.
When there is no groundedness, this is when we lose centre and lose sight of what’s real. It’s like we create this version of a fairy tale based on intense emotions.
This is when we forget to slow down. And so this relationship moves rapidly with intense feelings- there are feelings of excitement, games, drama. This is not love. Instead this is a cycle of what we think love to be.
The passion and desire we may feel, especially sexually, becomes this overwhelm of over intensified feelings, full of emotions and again adrenaline. This is where we lose balance and what’s really in alignment with what we really want.
So instead of aligning to our heart, we align to what the ego craves for.
Why do we become addicted to this fun, carefree, passionate honeymoon phase?
The reason why we become addicted to this honeymoon phase is because it feels wonderful, it feels invigorating, it feels wonderful to have someone give you this attention doesn it?
Unfortunately, a lot of people may not know how to always have access to this happy, butterfly feeling in every moment with or without someone. They don’t know that they can actually access this depth, this expansiveness and ability to meet each moment with curiosity, and a childlike wonderous spirit all the time. Therefore, they search for this through other people.
But it is always within you. You already hold this wonderful, sensual essence within you. But if you have never known how to access this on your own and live from this sensual, pleasurable state you will only know and crave it from the external.
conscious Relationships are not games and unknown. It is a feeling of home.
Remember love is never unknown, love is never a game. Love is never based on drama. Love is never based on the feeling of insecurity.
Conscious relationships are built on love which involves communication. It is not what the body wants. The body will react to the mind/ego or the heart. Love in a conscious relationship will value slowing down at every moment. It is about exploring one another’s values, boundaries, expectations, dreams and desires, programming, underlying responses to trauma, and of course the most important the connection with the heart- which is something we cannot describe in words other than a feeling of home.
However, when we get caught up in the moment of high intense responses to all these feelings and feel the adrenaline within our body, we don’t take the time to assess if the qualities/beliefs of the other person are in alignment with yours.
This is why it’s super important to know who you are from a centred place so that when the adrenaline does kick in to newness and excitement, which is something I also love, you will know if this is just an emotional response, aka adrenaline, a reaction to your ego that is just loving the exploration.
Here are some questions you could ask yourself to help you determine your love in the beginning of a relationship:
Is my heart or is it my ego loving the back and forth drama?
Is it my heart loving this place of being in the unknown with this person or is it my ego loving this familiar feeing.
Is this feeling of intense passion because we are in love or because my ego loves feeling this fire and control?
What happens when the honeymoon period ends?
So after the 6 month honeymoon period fades what do you think happens?
These two people become comfortable with one another right? This is when relationships start to get tough. The layers or masks or disguise begin to fall away. Then these two people will say well they changed. Or I don’t know what happened to us, or I don’t know what happened to them. We were so happy. We were so in love. And the relationship could most likely crumble or go into a state of a karmic cycle. Which I will explain in another post.
This happens not because the honeymoon period has ended but because the relationship did not begin on common grounds of trust, of communication, of honesty, of authenticity, or of love to begin with. It was a relationship built on the adrenaline and intense feelings of excitement, attention, and getting swept away with that.
And you know what, I know this because it has happened with me, there were signs even in the beginning stages that did not feel in congruent with the heart and body. But the ego loves to ignore this and so you pretend to believe the doubts and fears or red flags so to speak were not there and brush it under the rug.
So when the honeymoon period ends and you’re both comfortable, nothing has changed, instead the masks have just been pulled down. The real you comes to light. And the red flag or the doubts that your intuition was feeling in the beginning now comes to the surface. Because this truth will always reveal itself at some point and it usually comes to light when the realness of both you is revealed.
Relationships are not about falling in love in the beginning
Relationships are not about falling in love. We never fall into anything. Because when we fall in love, what we actually do is fall into the relationship. When you fall, it means you have lost your centre, your solid ground.
When you fall, you lose yourself in this reality that you are creating that highlights excitement and perfectionism. And when you fall, you lose your power. You lose yourself.
This is why we see a lot of women lose themselves in relationships.
They almost forget who they are. They lose their sense of reality. They lose the life they have built for themselves prior to relationship because they have lost their centre. They did not have a centre to begin with.This is the great sacred masucline, the container that holds all of the divine feminine- her beauty, her love and playfulness.
So it is important for all women before going into a relationship to ground yourself. Know your boundaries. Know your desires. Know what it is you long for from another person.
Is it this fairytale of attention? Is it this constant cycle of highs and lows? What are your values? Why do you want the relationship in the first place?
And if you do get “swept off your feet”- take a step back and ask yourself, is it because my ego loves the attention, does my ego love the feeling of being wanted, does my ego love this feeling of being sexual? Or is it a deep soulful connection based on open, vulnerable, respectful communication between us?
Your soft, playful divine feminine essence requires this grounded cconsciousness otherwise you will only find yourself in a chaotic mess.
What happens if we begin the relationship slowly and grounded instead?
When we take time in the beginning to slow down and discover one another whole heartedly we get to experience this flourishing love that is based on groundedness. A solid foundation in order for that love to blossom and allow an everlasting, never ending honeymoon phase to be there- which to me is based on compassion, love, deep affection, a longing for one another, a connection that is inseparable, deep trust, and a sense of home. This is true intimacy that can not be experienced with fun dates, with excitement and acting from an uncentered alace.
The honeymoon is never ending, as this honeymoon period is just a fun and light bandaid to the situation. So when this love is built on solid grounds, there will never be a need for a honeymoon escape or vacation to bring back the fire or bring back the intimacy because the intimacy is always there- through the challenging times and blissful times. The honeymoon period will in turn be a moment for the couple to celebrate one another but there is nothing to reginite. Because love is stronger than ever.
How to begin your relationship that is authentic
My advice to all you men and women out there who are seeking for that authentic and intimate relationship and desire to be loved and to love.
Stay true to yourself when you are first in the relationship.
Really enjoy each other in a way that is open in communication.
Enjoy one another through that wondrous childlike curiosity and questioning.
Discover one another in the deepest ways.
Discover each other’s deepest shadows.
Discover one another’s deepest fears.
Discover one anothers values and visions.
This is the beginning of a conscious love and the honeymoon period will be nothing but an everyday embodied experience between you two.
Your heart will know straight away if it is in alignment with your heart, or not.
The honeymoon period vs an intimate relationship
Remember the best part of a conscious relationship as opposed to the honeymoon phase is that you get to continue this honeymoon phase every single day, with each moment you wake up, all whilst revealing more and more of yourself because you know you will be held and loved with every part of you. If anything it grows and develops into intimacy, which is the essence of everything in a relationship- the ability to be so vulnerable with all of you and safe enough to expose it.
So let me leave with you this note.. what if you know you could access the greatest depth of love, this expansiveness of what the union brings to your life, this bliss for life, in every waking moment- aka the honeymoon period, all whilst evolving your relationship that provides a solid foundation for more of this bliss, which leads to a stronger burning desire for each other more with each day. The honeymoon period is a lifelong phase.
To me that is the beauty of life, the beauty of a relationship, the beauty of experiencing a sacred union, the beauty of love.