Common things amongst women when it comes to sex is there is a mismatch of sexual desires and mismatch of sexual expression. In this blog, I am going to discuss some questions you should be asking yourself to discover your sexual desires. And what it means to unlock your sexual expression.
Part of reclaiming your feminine energy is being willing to step into your power, enjoy your beauty, shine your light, and embody your radiance. It is to step into the embodiment of the wild woman and part of this is knowing what you desire. This woman fully accepts her sexual expression but at the same time she is free in her own authentic spirit. One cannot exist without the other.
Your desires are a given to your by your soul and your sexual expression is the expression that moves through your body naturally.
When we know that sexuality and spirit go hand in hand, we then experience our sexual expression not as something outside of ourselves or something we do, or something we rely on others for. Instead it is a power that we source from within.
Check out this Blog: Sexuality, Spirituality and Sensuality as one.
When you understand yourself sexually and sensually, you don’t hold back in your relationship. You don’t wait for another to fulfill you. You know how to do that for yourself. You move through the relationship from a place of authenticity. And you recognise that you and your partner are individuals. You have your own needs and wants in sex and your own styles. And in this way, you can untangle the responsibilities of the other person to get your needs met, or to get you turned on.
So you have to start knowing yourself and knowing how pleasure feels in your body. When you experience pleasure on your own (that is not sexualised) you start to understand what you desire and want.
When i speak about pleasure, I am speaking about the expression of erotic energy.
Erotic energy is felt in our body as pleasure.
As humans we have this erotic energy, this sexual energy running through us and all existence. and it is in a sexual experience, is where we find it easier to connect to this erotic energy.
When in a sexual encounter, we find it easiest to connect to pleasure.
But we can take this experience and transfer this pleasurable experience in all moments we live in every day.
It happens in presence, being present in body.
So Pleasure is felt in body as a sensual experience. And this can then help us know what we love and desire in a sexual act.
So what do you love?
You might enjoy the slowness of touch.
Some of us are sensual and soft in sex.
Some are drawn to subtle movements of body.
Some of us are energetic.
Some of us are interested in play.
Some of us like to be grabbed.
How do you like to be warmed up?
Do you whisper in ear.
Grinding into the body.
It is all about knowing what is authentic for you.
Knowing what feels true to you. And this happens when you are connected with your body’s wisdom.
We have to experience what we love and to meet someone who holds this space to hold your unique expression, with their presence and with no judgment.
And then on top of knowing what you love, we also have to know what it means to be fully present with ourselves so then we can also be present with our beloved.
Your body is so wise
Your body is always sending you signals. She carries so much wisdom. Which is why a lot of my work is around sensitising her so we can become so present and safe to really allow her to speak to us through her sensations.
For example, let’s say you feel your body tense up or freeze when you get naked, there is alot of wisdom here. Perhaps your body is saying there is a disassociation here. Maybe you haven’t fully claimed your naked body or your pleasure and you are asked to come into a great deep love for her.
Maybe you are not feeling safe in the container that you and your partner have created.
Whatever it is, there is no wrong here. Awareness is always the first step.
The next is to start to infuse rituals and sacred practices into your daily life that don’t require you to be physical with another. Instead it is to come with your own existence through your sensuality.
Sex is not a performance
We are taught that sex is just this thing that we do. There’s so many of us in this story of there’s something wrong with me because you can’t orgasm. Or you think you are not sexual.
What if you came with this from a curious perspective and started to get curious about what sexual expression feels authentic to you.
So you have to give space to explore your sexual expression in a safe and sacred container.
For a lot of people, sex is something we learn from porn, or we assume. And we go about life never knowing what we actually want.
Shame in sexual Expression
We hold alot of shame in regards to the erotic and sexuality. And this shame stems from culture peers, society, religion.
Many of us have this feeling of shame when embodying our sensual side and pleasure. For asking for what we want, for giving it to ourselves, and choosing ourselves over the desires of another. For desiring ourselves. For touching ourselves. For showing skin. For loving sex.
So we have to unlayer the layers to bring consciousness around what are the parts of me am I not yet claiming.
So again, get to know what you love
What kind of sound you like to make.
What kind of touch you like.
What kind of things get you turned on.
Who are you as a sexual being?
How do you experience your sexual experience
Look for people who are in their bodies and experiencing pleasure. And allow them to be your inspiraiton.
You can be erotic and sensual and at the same time taken seriously.
The most important piece is to knowing what you love that is not related to a sexual experience and bring that into your awareness.
I help women to come into this embodied expression to integrate in their life- to come into this great love for their body and their sensual expression. And we can reach this on an embodied level.
With these pleasure practices that aren’t related to sex you can start to see there is a whole part of your being that was waiting to be loved, felt and expressed.
We are exploring sexuality but we are also making our way to wholeness.
When you explore your sensuality, you start to react to the aliveness within you. You become awakened in your senses and this is where we can come to know our expression. And this is how we come back to our wholeness.
Coming into these sensual experiences we also have to learn how to surrender.
Surrender isn’t about just letting go completely. It is about losing your grip whilst still being present.
So in a sexual experience when you surrender, you lose control and that means you have to let go and surrender your power to someone else. This takes a lot of trust, building trust in yourself so then you can trust another.
When we are in a sexual experience we surrender, we let go of how something needs to look and sound. And we also give space to play submissive. This doesn’t mean we play small. But it means we take a step back and we place trust in another for them to please and pleasure you.
Embodying the feminine legacy and rewilding your expression
When I started to perform on stage as a samba dancer, It was the first time I became alive. I started to step into and awaken the woman in me who was expressive, she was free in her body, she was sensual.
This was the first time I started to know that I had power in my body. I started to consciously then play around with my body. I played around with the erotic and what that felt like in my body in my own sacred space.
So my erotic, sexual expression started to be in fused with this sacred, spiritual aspect.
Through this experience and dedication to the wild woman, and my explorations in this, I started to know myself deeper. And I started to allow myself to practice these different aspects of my wild self in my sacred container with my partner.
With my partner now, he really provides this space for my body to really let go and go into other spaces and dimensions.
He brings this great fierce powerful consciousness, where my body can relax even more.
I’m not worrying about what sounds to make, what ways to perform.
There’s a primal relaxation with him, That feels sublime.
It’s also the sensations that I experience when I teach and when I am holding sisterhood ceremonies. So you can feel this relaxed, selicious sensation in and out of the bedroom.
And this all happens when you are completely present.
When you are present you flow more.
You connect with your body.
You tap into your intuition.
And so a question we can ask ourselves is how can I find my flow state.
Where I’m letting go of everything.
To feel surrendered.
This is the space I feel we are seeking to know our sexual expression.
Know what you desire
To know what you desire, be in devotion to exploring what you love.
What sparks you and follow that bliss.
This is life time process.
Make a list of top 10 desires.
If you could order anything, and have any sexual experience what would you do.
Be honest with yourself.
Its no small thing.
Start to embody it. Practice it.
You have to train.
You have to devote yourself ot the work.
This is where you get mastery.
If you want a sexual awakening, carve out 20 min a week. And really start touching yourself.
Really start feeling yourself.
Get to know your yoni. Know her on a deep level. Theres a whole universe inside of us.
This is everything that I teach inside Feminine Remembrance. The 10 week group sensuality, pleasure and embodiment immersion to help you heal your sexuality, awaken your sexual expression and to express your feminine wisdom through your body. And we do this through sensual practices.