Does a PERFECT relationship exist?

With social media, it’s also so easy to watch photos of couples assuming they had it all figured out and  “perfect.”

In this blog we will discover the differences between a conscious relationship and a “perfect” relationship.

I have dated A LOT. I have been in a few long term relationships and now in my beautiful long term relationship with my beloved. The thing that I can honestly say is I NEVER gave up on love, despite the amounts of heart breaks and pain I went through in these relationships. I always kept my heart open.

The thing is, through every relationship I was able to learn from each. And the thing that really stood out to me from each relationship was, although I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, I was seeking something that didn’t really exist- A perfect relationship and a “perfect” partner.I was seeking for love outside of me.

It is so important to not confuse the idea of a conscious relationship with a perfect relationship- there is no such thing.  How can there be when perfection doesn’t even exist. The perfection exists within our hearts.

The thing is, when we are striving for something “more perfect” we often aren’t realizing the bliss, love and goodness right here. Enough is right here.

Of course this is not to say that you accept bad, toxic behavior, of course not, that is unacceptable in my eyes, but when we see the enoughness in ourselves, we see it in another as well. We attract this in another. And Someone who’s drawn to your enoughness too.

Manifesting a Conscious Relationship

When women come to work with me, sometimes their intention is to manifest a conscious relationship. I use embodiment and the work of Tantra, with a focus on our life force energy for manifestations. However, the important thing to recognise here is…

A conscious relationship is where two people consciously commit and devote themselves to this pathway of growth, alongside each other. It is feminine and masculine intertwining. They are in this sacred union of discovering the fullness of life, this play of life, alongside one another.

So the question is.. is this something you are doing in your own life? Are you feeling the fullness of life, pleasures and goodness of life right here right now, regardless if you are in a relationship or not?

When you do, you start to really feel this when we in a relationship.

A conscious relationship is a safe space. And I believe it is the highest form of practicing consciousness. The highest form of spiritual awakening.

When you have two people in the mix, It takes another level of commitment to one another, a commitment to show up in the qualities of love- empathy, compassion, devotion, forgiveness, discernment. And if we are afraid of this kind of intimacy, and the commitment is not there, it is hard for a relationship to fully withstand the challenges when they do show up.

Is it their job to make me happy?

The most important thing here is instead of striving for perfection, we can start to know ourselves, love ourselves and start taking responsibility for our own feelings. So when we do go into a relationship we are not relying solely on another to do that for us.

Because we know how to be our own beloved.To self soothe. To nourish ourselves.

Yes, If there are two people involved in this union, it takes two people to create this sort of safety and therefore the other person has responsibility to ensure that your needs are met.  But to a certain degree. It is never black or white. Relationships are not black and white.

In the past, I was putting all of my cards, all of my hopes and expectations into this person and it was all up to them. 

This is NOT healthy. And I can accept this about myself. It is what I have whole heartedly worked on.

Sure, there were times I was being gaslit, disregarded, put down, patrinised alot… of course the way someone treated me was not my fault… but I didn’t know my worth to really express that maturely or even walk away, at the time.

The truth is, for some of us, maybe most of us, we don’t have healthy love modelled for us often so it can be challenging to know what’s realistic when it comes to our expectations and desires.

So it is about knowing yourself deeply. It is knowing your standards. What feels ok for you, what doesn’t feel ok for you. And then you leading the way, you lead the energy of the relationship.

What does a Healthy Relationship look like?

Even when both entities are doing the work to grow, it will not always be sunshine and roses. It will mean that this relationship will not just magically transform your life. 

It can definitely assist you in the process of growth and transformation. I believe this is the beauty of two entities. The force is stronger. The growth is stronger. But only if there is the commitment and devotion there.

When you go into the relationship, your shadows will come with you. All of your fears, all of your insecurities, all of your wounds and triggers come with you. They don’t disappear in this relationship, yes even if you have been on a healing journey. In fact, they come out even more.

So in the beginning of a relationship, until you both find your flow, you might hit some bumps and rocks. Because the honeymoon phase that we know of, It ends. Not because there is something wrong with the relationship but because at a certain point, a relationship relies on vulnerability, this is how intimacy is built.

So What really breathes love into the relationship is when you are both willing to change as an individual. What changes is a willingness to both show up FULLY. To accept faults, to accept when you are reactive vs responsive.. And it’s ok. It happens. 

So when you are in the relationship, yes, you will still have days when you feel down, where you feel misunderstood, where you feel upset, where you feel angry. They are still going to happen. But it happens much less frequently as the relationship builds its strength, its foundation, its anchor.

It is the anchor, the foundation of safety built on trust and openness and connection that really allows the relationship to blossom. It isn’t how many date nights you have (Which are really nice). But it is what happens in those moments when your hearts are fully invested, fully in.

What makes a Conscious Relationship?

The key to a conscious relationship is what happens after the fight, after the disagreement.  And not running away of pretending everything is ok.

In my personal experience, usually relationships become stuck or toxic because one or both are NOT willing to dig into the darkness of their triggers. They are stuck in their own patterns, old wounds, their ego.

So It’s the willingness that is key.

When we are getting stuck in our triggers, we end up pointing fingers and not taking accountability, this then builds up because the truth of the matter of the heart is not tended to.

Relationships that are romantic AND conscious are not an endless stream of a honeymoon phase, of romance and heightened levels of passion all the time. 
This kind of relationship will have joy but this is not everything in the relationship. It is one part of it. 

When we go into a relationship or we are seeking one where there is endless amount of love, lust, passion and entertainment, we are seeking and chasing something that is not realistic. And something that is not sustainable. 

When you are in a conscious relationship, they are a mix of beautiful mess. They are not perfect. 

They are not always full of highs.

They are not filled with lust.

And they are not filled with drama either. 

A conscious relationship consists of willingness on both ends. They are not subject to blaming one another, instead they are supportive.

They are this safe container that both people create in order for them to feel and go deep into their vulnerabilities and they know they will not be judged or that it will be used against one another. 

There is a desire to know one another, wounds, triggers and all (the shadows) and a discussion around how they can both support one another.

And if they are its’ ok.

There is not a sense of victim of hopelessness but a willingness to understand and appreciate where these wounds may have originated from. And it something we can both navigate through TOGETHER.

This is such a beautiful relationship to be in. 

It feels soothing, it feels soulful, wholesome, real, vulnerable and there is a strength in them. Built on solid grounds.Where both parties are seen, heard, respected and loved.

Cultivating a Conscious relationship is a choice

Cultivating a Conscious relationship is a choice. It is both showing up fully for ourselves, one another, and the relationship.  It is about choosing ourselves. Over and over again.

It is about knowing how to hold yourself accountable and feel safe enough to be vulnerable with all that you feel. In this way, you become your own source of wholeness and we don’t project all of our stuff and triggers on another, Making the other carry all of our weight. Sure this doesn’t mean they haven’t hurt us. But we carry the weight together. 

We are in this TOGETHER.

How can I be there for you? It is about ME, YOU and US.

There is no relationship that isn’t go to go onto spaces where they never fight. Every relationship flows.  It moves in and out of attunement. 

Most of the time they are in harmony and in sync but it is completely natural to go into phases when you are not. And there is tension or hurt.

But what happens AFTER is the biggest key here. 

CHOOSING to show up for one another. CHOOSING to get past the ego and being there for one another.

How you navigate through things ALONE and TOGETHER is key. 

And this is what defines the energy if it will continue to grow or grow apart.

And as I always say, as a woman.. It has to start with us. We are the key holders of love. We are the gatekeepers to emotions, to love, to sensual alivness, to life. This is what te feminine is about. But you have to know yourself. Knowing yourself is about tending to your heart, and your wpmb space. It is an internal journey and I am here to support you in this.

When you know this, you also use your life force , creative energy in ways to manifest and draw in someone who is a beautiful vibrational match for you.

Work with me

In Feminine Remembrance, when you walk into this 10 week temple, where you are supported in connecting with your heart, soul and womb and coming into this great awakening of your own truth… But you aren’t just doing it for you. You are also doing it for your relationship.

When you cultivate a loving deeper connection with yourself, your relationships with others become more enriched, enlivened and more mature.

And I would love to support you in this returning home with you sister.

Learn more about Feminine Remembrance: Come Home To Yourself Here. I’d love to have you join the temple.