You know what it is that you desire deep inside of you. Therefore, you already know what the musts are for manifesting a loving, healthy relationship. You you already know deep inside if you CAN have it. So instead, let’s not get focused on the numbers and the rules…

Let’s not get focused on the “3 musts” instead what if I asked you a different question altogether..and that is to not have this question altogether. And just for a moment step away from the mind. 

Before we begin this topic about relationships, I want you to imagine yourself in this healthy relationship that you completely desire.

What does that look like for you?

How much will you allow yourself and dare to feel into this? And be truly honest with yourself- your desire for this love. There are no excuses for this. Imagine there was nothing getting in the way of you having this loving relationship.

How does it make you feel?

Now when you think of your life today, is there anything in the way of stopping you from manifesting this type of love? This compassionate, loving, erotic, intimate, deep whole hearted love. 

Do you think you’re worthy of this love?

Let’s take a deep breath in and out, to get ready to receive this information of truth that is about to blow your mind when it comes to having and manifesting that ideal, erotic, intimate, loving, healthy relationship you are so deserving of.  There are two parts to this post. This is the first part.

You can read Part Two here.

Do you believe in this loving, healthy relationship?

What I notice is that most people, especially women give away this desire of love, for different reasons. It could be for the sake of comfort, for the sake of being reasonable, for the sake of having a life that others have- what if I disappoint others.

But what we are doing here is stopping ourselves from really obtaining what it is we truly want. We create obstacles to manifesting the love we truly desire.

You might be in a relationship right now or maybe you want to be in one.  You may dream about the type of relationship you want or maybe you don’t even dream about it- you don’t want any kind of relationship. Or maybe you dream about this loving, deep, heathy relationship but you tell yourself, well that kind of person may not actually come into my life. 

You may even be in a relationship and you know there’s something not sitting right in your heart. There’s this endless back and forth, this cycle of feeling unsafe or bitterness that occurs between the two of you. And you may say..

“Well it’s not 100% but it’s ok for now.”

“Well this is how relationships are.” 

“Relationships are alot of work.” 

Or “He only wants fun but that’s fine for now so I will go for it.”

“He is not really sure what he wants right now but that’s fine.”

Or maybe you are in the relationship, and at first it was amazing and over time the spark began to fade away. Then you wonder, how to come back to that spark or that honeymoon phase. Then you may even find yourself back in the comfort and excuses of, this is what a relationship is because that’s what I’ve seen. This is what I know.

Do any of these resonate with you at all?

Are you settling for less?

We make up all these excuses as to why we should settle for less. 

But let me ask you this…

Do you really want that relationship that is inconsistent?

Do you really want casual sex?

Do you really want this back and forth unknowing?

Do you really want to feel unmet?

Do you really want this relationship where they don’t hear or understand you? 

Do you really think settling feels right for you deep deep down in your heart?

These questions I know can also scare a lot of us, because it might mean eventually something will have to change. And if something changes, it means we might have to let go of the person we are with, or it might mean we need to disappoint them or even others around us. 

What do you believe you are worthy of having and desiring in your life?

Let me ask you another question. 

Do you want someone who will match you and meet you on all levels?

Not just for the now but always.  

Do you want someone who will blossom with you and grow in love together?

Do you want someone who will cherish all of you just for being you, a woman who is of love? Because that’s what women are, they are manifestations of love, beauty and creativity. And we need to know we don’t need to do anything more to prove that.

I used to think this for a very long time as this is was how and what I witnessed growing up- that the more I do for a man, the more he will love me. But let me tell you, after breakups and heart ache, this is far from the truth.

Do you believe that there is a relationship where you can really expand everyday with this person, feel alive, feel this juiciness and spark? Or do you believe that this is not true? 

If you believe this is not true maybe the question isn’t, well does that even exist?

Perhaps the question is, do I believe I am worthy of this? 

Am I deserving of this incredible life? 

It’s not that this loving relationship doesn’t exist- I actually have this kind of healthy, flourishing, erotic, loving relationship, so why can’t you?

It’s knowing deep inside of you that you can have this, you are worthy of this just because it is your birthright.

Stories we tell ourselves aka self sabotage

I am sure you know what I mean when I say “stories we tell ourselves that stop us from having that intimate relationship we all yearn for deep down.“

If you don’t believe that you can have this true, deep, conscious love, then it’s a matter of asking yourself with a sense of curiosity and understanding for where you are right now.

So What are the stories telling me that I can’t? 

Is it fear?

Is it the idea of why me?

Is it, this is my karma and that’s it?

Is it, well I am not sexy enough, I am not beautiful enough. 

I am too busy for that relationship. 

I am not sexy enough to have sex. 

I can’t have that relationship until I am rich or making money. 

I cannot be in a relationship and be successful. 

I can’t be in a relationship because I need to be single first and be in my creative flow and to be in my success and THEN I can be in a relationship.

It’s like we think it’s either one or the other but not both.  So you’re telling yourself that you can’t be in a relationship and have it all. Let me tell you now that these stories are not true. This is not your truth. These are only stories, beliefs and excuses preventing you from having it and manifesting this relationship that your heart is always yearning for. That you are worthy of having.

Why do we create these stories?

We create these stories and excuses because there may be a fear or protective mechanism in play here. We put these blocks into the wills of our carriers. We block the original paths that were already there. Your path in this world is always to experience love, this beautiful expansive sensual, intimate love and nothing less. 

Why block yourself from having it all?

Why not be in this beautiful flowing, expansive healthy relationship while you take the path of creativity and success at the same time.  Your mind wants to choose the path of A or B, black or white. But our soul’s path is never A or B. There is no failure, there is no quick fix. It is  never black and white when it comes to our soul’s path which is always of love.

We never say to a flower, you cannot have the soil, the rain, the sun, it’s all too much- you can only choose one. Get my drift here?

What happens when we stop desiring

You were brought to this world to  experience everything- all of pleasure, beauty and, love. So why should we settle?

Why should we not dream big? 

Why should we not have what our heart yearns for?

This is nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to judge or to feel bad about. 

But this is a perfect time to know right now that there is a beauty in everything we desire. 

When we don’t desire, when we don’t offer our hearts what we yearn for- we become numb. We go into a state of not feeling anything at all. And bitterness for the world creeps in. We then create the reality around us that the world is against us. We may even feel a sense of apathy for love and relationships. But it doesn’t have to be like this. You are deserving of feeling everything sister.

When you begin to feel all of life’s pleasures, the beauty and enjoyment especially in your relationship- you begin to remember why it made your heart sing when you were first in the relationship.

Like I say, that intensity in a relationship never has to end. 

Remember when you were younger. I bet you wanted to do amazing things, you wanted to see the world, you wanted to experience the most wonderful love, you wanted to feel free. But then something got in the way- the distorted image of what it means to be an adult perhaps.

The distorted image of what it means to be in a relationship which is mundane, empty, bitter, hard work. You have kids, get married and find yourself falling into a box that is supposed to fit everyone’s desires. 

You may even have your heart broken a few times and this creates a hard wall. A hardness around your heart. 

What happens when this happens?

You feel depressed, angry, lost, confused, a sense of apathy for the world and love. 

Your unique, wholesome, exciting, path full of love and opportunity for a healthy relationship is still there, it’s just blocked with some excuses and stories.

Excuses that stop you from believing that you can have that life. You can have that erotic, intimate, healthy relationship.

These are the reasons that hold us back due to the fear of being hurt, the fear of changing, the fear of failure, the fear of being a disappointment to others.

But is it really worth it? Is it worth it to continue holding onto these stories and closing your heart from what you could be opening up to.  These excuses have helped you deal with the fear of being hurt once before. This once served you but just know it it’s all and always is going to be ok. You are deserving of experiencing the most magical feeling of love.

And this journey of experiencing the most magical feeling of love, begins with you of course.

This is why I devote myself to the path of holding space for women in sisterhood circles and programs to develop this loving relationship with herself. I invite you to check out my 10 week Group Program, Feminine Remembrance: Come Home To yourself where you develop the most loving, sensual, erotic relationship with yourself. And where you open yourself up to walking this path of magnetism.

Continued in Part 2 Discover how you can have it all, especially that fulfiling, erotic, intimate relationship. And how you can overcome these blocks and stories that you may be holding onto.